pergi , mungkinkah akan kembali?

pagi hening 26 august. aku jalan ke bus stop. perasan berbaur. gemuruh, excited n mcm2 lg. ada test jpj tuk keta pg tu.aku repeat coz 1st attempt failed!.hehe.
seperti hari2 lain, aku bawak beg yang aku slalu guna tu. ada beberapa buku antaranya kitab al wajiz n acts lam beg tu, termasuk stationeries,purse, handpnone dan beberapa barang lagi.
sampai bus stop aikol, da pukul 7.45. ada 2 org sister kat situ. sorang pakai mask sorang lg tak.tp takde plak kete cikgu naim yg ditugaskan tuk amek aku ke SKEM, tmpt test jpj bekenaan dijalankan.mmg aku da agak dia akan lambat. stakat aku amek lesen ni, cuma skali dua je kut cikgu2 ni dtg awal.daripada terus buang masa, aku pun baca notes tentang steps time test nnti.aku baca dengan tekun.aku cuba digest betul2. biar tak ilang dari palotak at least tuk hari tu jer.
tak semena-mena perut aku meragam.aku tgk jam da kul 8.00.ta[pi cikgu tak gak muncul2 bersama kete kancil dia tu.aku try tahan. tp cam tak leh tahan je. tak lama kemudian dia da mula memulas-mulas. mals nak pikir panjang aku pun blah. lintas jalan trus ke aikol. kat citu jer leh dapat toilet terdekat. on the way ke aikol tu aku msg cikgu naim " cikgu sy p tandas jap. sakit perut".
selesai mententeramkan perut yg meragam tu, aku naik balik ke bus stop tu. tak de gak kete cikgu naim dan cikgu naim tu skali. sister yang 2 org td tu ada lg kat ctu. ni mesti tunggu bas ni. if dia nak naik cab mesti da lama blah coz td bnyk gak cab kosong yg lalu kat ctu. aku senyum kat sister yg pakai mask tu coz duduk tak jauh drpd aku. dia senyum balik, aku rase la, sebab nampak pipi dia naik.aku tgk jam tuk ke 100 kali. dekat 8.15 dah. mane la cikgu naim ni...???
disebabkan esoknya tu ada test usul fiqh, aku pun kluarkan kitab al wajiz. try hafal topic al- khas. tu lebih baik dari buang mase jual muke kat bas stop tu. tak lama kemudian cikgu ngan kete kancil dia pun tiba. dgn excited nye aku pun trus naik kete kancil cikgu. dok kat seat blakang nagn sorang sister yg cikgu da amek dulu coz seat depan di occupy oleh anak cikgu yg sifat dan features dia hampir 90% sebijik cam cikgu. pastu cikgu amek lg sorang kat bulatan dpn grandstairs. fooh! berhimpit la ktorang mcm dalam tin sadin.
sampai kat SKEM, trus dgr briefing lestu amek giliran. asal nye no 2 tp jd no 1 coz dak no 1 dtg lambat! ya allah gementar bertambah 900%. aku baca doa lam ayat ke 10 surah al kahfi and beberapa doa lg. aku mesti pass test ni, aku berazam.
lepas 15 minit nama aku pun dipanggil. kena ngan penguji wanita. alamak! camne ni, ritu yang failed tu ngan penguji wanita la. aku mula rasa x sedap ati. tp aku kuatkan tekad. aku da berdoa. aku akan buat sebaik mungkin. keputusannya aku serah kan pada Allah Yang Maha Kaya dan Maha Berkuasa
alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal... aku pass! rasa cam nak lompat. terima kasih kepada penguji wanita tersebut.
pastu dgn gembira bukan kepalang aku msg ahli keluarga dan teman- teman. nak tepon ayah, handphone yg aku bwk tu tak dak plak no ayah. hopefully kakak aku da tlg bgtau kat mak ayah...
cikgu hantar ktorang balik ke uia kul 10.30. budak yang cikgu amek last skali td tu pass. budak yang cikgu amek sebelum aku tadi tu fail jalan raya. ktorang pun citer la kat cikgu xperiences masing2 in which i believed more or less same je cam dak2 lain gak.
sampai uia aku lepak kat com lab jap. pastu pegi class pil kul 12.00 kul 1.00 balik bilik coz next class kul 5. ptg tu ada talk by prof young tuk jurisp sal law & morality. since aku tak amek jurisp aku fikir banyak kali nak p ke tak. akhirnye sampai bilik aku baring. kerana godaan katil dan bantal yg best tu, aku pun decided tanak p talk tu. so aku tido.
aku sedar time tu da nak dekat asar. astaghfirullah... terlepas solat zohor! td ada set alarm takkan tak bunyi kut? aku try ingat balik. ya allah aku ada tersedar time alatrm bunyi td.tp lepas off kan alarm tu aku ttdo balik rupenye. aku istighfar lg. berkali2.
lepas solat n mandi aku baca quran. malas nak turun beli juadah berbuka. makan jer la apa yg ada seperti kuih muih n biskut. paling penting nak bagi makan pada spiritual aku yg da lama kelaparan coz sejak ramadhan start baru few times aku baca quran.
before turun bilik 1.6 di mana tempat bersemayam kawan2 aku, aku teringat nak bawa al wajiz. aku cari atas meja xde. tak mungkin aku bawak ke skem coz mase tunggu cikgu amek kat skem td, aku nak baca tp kitab tu xde lam beg. time tu aku assumed kitab tu aku tinggal kat bilik. tp skrg xde la plak. aku pujuk ati gelisah.maybe tinggal kat bilik 1.6 kut...
dekat nak buka puasa aku ke bilik 1.6. memang rutin buka puasa kat ctu. sampai jer aku trus carik al wajiz kat compmnt kinah, nad n ilham tp xde. aku da cuak. aku naik balik ke bilik aku. cari lg skali. xde gak. ya allah... esok de test. mane ilangnyer kitab tu?dugaan atau kifarah dosa td ni...? aku merintih dalam hati.
lepas buka puasa dapat la cket clue. aku da mula tringat baca dan hafal topic al Khas. tp di mana dan bila? aku cuba ingat perlahan2. Ya allah! dalam samar2 aku teringat bus stop, sister yang pakai mask, toilet aikol dan cikgu naim...

kim bam will be mine.amin...possible?

ntah aku pun tak sure possible or impossible.tetiba jer rasa jatuh hati kat dia.crush jer kut...? no way!seeing him i forgot sean connery, hugh jackman, matt damon and mr S. so memang da betul2 suke dia. nak becinta ngan dia.ahaks! wajah dia cute n ada riak2 cool. aku suka senyuman dia yang lebih manis dari madu tu! if dapat becinta ngan dia kan best. tiap hari tak stress.nak naik angin pun tak boleh bila tengok muka sweet n cute camtu!

chef, legal advisor, tutor & baby sitter

ke empat- empat jawatan tersebut adalah pekerjaan aku sepanjang cuti ni may b... aku buat dengan rela hati nak serve family yg da banyak bekorban tuk aku... CHEF sejak aku balik rumah keje masak memasak serah pada aku mcm citer labu labi jer takde la sedap sangat masakan aku kadang2 telebih garam,gula,asam dsb... tp aku bersyukur mak slalu support aku! time masakan aku tak sedap beliau beri kritikan membina if kat hell's kitchen da lama kena maki hamun kut! LEGAL ADVISOR mentang2 la amek LLB kat iium famly aku x pernah jemu tanya tentang current issues esp krisis kat perak la... penat jugak nak terang ntah betul ntah tidak wallahu 'alam... sometimes aku bagi la few info penting sal undang2 kat malaysia boleh ni supaya mereka dapat berhati- hati... TUTOR memandangkan la ni time ujian pertengahan tahun aku dipertanggungjawabkan memantau dan membantu anak2 buah aku blajo... nak dijadikan cerita satu hari aku ajar ler anak buah aku ni multification ntah cane aku da telupa jalan kira tuk 4568 multiply 123 malu giler! kat diri sendiri kene refer kat textbook balik cib baek anak buah aku x prasan coz aku pandai cover... BABY SITTER tugas ni paling mencabar! nak basuh kencing berak anak2 buah aku suap makanan diorang... kalau diorang jenis food lover cam aku ok gak ini jenis food hater nampak nasik cam nampak antu! food yg tak bergizi cam eskrim, snack dsb x suruh pun diorang bantai yang baby tu pun tumpang makan skali sampai licin... pape pun aku anggap kerjaya ini sebagai praktikal mudah-mudahan bila ada anak sendiri nanti takla kekok sangat amin...

tido rumah tok

abeh ler aku mlm ni tok ajak tdo rmh dia mlm ni ml semalam aku da tolak ingatkan selamat la rupenye rini dia ajak lagi... aduh...!!!

'Toxic waste' behind Somali piracy

Somali pirates have accused European firms of dumping toxic waste off the Somali coast and are demanding an $8m ransom for the return of a Ukranian ship they captured, saying the money will go towards cleaning up the waste. The ransom demand is a means of "reacting to the toxic waste that has been continually dumped on the shores of our country for nearly 20 years", Januna Ali Jama, a spokesman for the pirates, based in the semi-autonomous region of Puntland, said. "The Somali coastline has been destroyed, and we believe this money is nothing compared to the devastation that we have seen on the seas." The pirates are holding the MV Faina, a Ukrainian ship carrying tanks and military hardware, off Somalia's northern coast. According to the International Maritime Bureau, 61 attacks by pirates have been reported since the start of the year. While money is the primary objective of the hijackings, claims of the continued environmental destruction off Somalia's coast have been largely ignored by the regions's maritime authorities. Dumping allegations Ahmedou Ould-Abdallah, the UN envoy for Somalia confirmed to Al Jazeera the world body has "reliable information" that European and Asian companies are dumping toxic waste, including nuclear waste, off the Somali coastline. "I must stress however, that no government has endorsed this act, and that private companies and individuals acting alone are responsible," he said The pirates are holding the MV Faina off Somalia's northern coast [Reuters]Allegations of the dumping of toxic waste, as well as illegal fishing, have circulated since the early 1990s. But evidence of such practices literally appeared on the beaches of northern Somalia when the tsunami of 2004 hit the country. The UN Environment Programme (UNEP) reported the tsunami had washed up rusting containers of toxic waste on the shores of Puntland. Nick Nuttall, a UNEP spokesman, told Al Jazeera that when the barrels were smashed open by the force of the waves, the containers exposed a "frightening activity" that has been going on for more than decade. "Somalia has been used as a dumping ground for hazardous waste starting in the early 1990s, and continuing through the civil war there," he said. "European companies found it to be very cheap to get rid of the waste, costing as little as $2.50 a tonne, where waste disposal costs in Europe are something like $1000 a tonne. "And the waste is many different kinds. There is uranium radioactive waste. There is lead, and heavy metals like cadmium and mercury. There is also industrial waste, and there are hospital wastes, chemical wastes – you name it." Nuttall also said that since the containers came ashore, hundreds of residents have fallen ill, suffering from mouth and abdominal bleeding, skin infections and other ailments. "We [the UNEP] had planned to do a proper, in-depth scientific assessment on the magnitude of the problem. But because of the high levels of insecurity onshore and off the Somali coast, we are unable to carry out an accurate assessment of the extent of the problem," he said. However, Ould-Abdallah claims the practice still continues. "What is most alarming here is that nuclear waste is being dumped. Radioactive uranium waste that is potentially killing Somalis and completely destroying the ocean," he said. Toxic waste Ould-Abdallah declined to name which companies are involved in waste dumping, citing legal reasons. But he did say the practice helps fuel the 18-year-old civil war in Somalia as companies are paying Somali government ministers to dump their waste, or to secure licences and contracts. "There is no government control ... and there are few people with high moral ground ... [and] yes, people in high positions are being paid off, but because of the fragility of the TFG [Transitional Federal Government], some of these companies now no longer ask the authorities – they simply dump their waste and leave." Ould-Abdallah said there are ethical questions to be considered because the companies are negotiating contracts with a government that is largely divided along tribal lines. "How can you negotiate these dealings with a country at war and with a government struggling to remain relevant?" In 1992, a contract to secure the dumping of toxic waste was made by Swiss and Italian shipping firms Achair Partners and Progresso, with Nur Elmi Osman, a former official appointed to the government of Ali Mahdi Mohamed, one of many militia leaders involved in the ousting of Mohamed Siad Barre, Somalia's former president. At the request of the Swiss and Italian governments, UNEP investigated the matter. Both firms had denied entering into any agreement with militia leaders at the beginning of the Somali civil war. Osman also denied signing any contract. Mafia involvement' However, Mustafa Tolba, the former UNEP executive director, told Al Jazeera that he discovered the firms were set up as fictitious companies by larger industrial firms to dispose of hazardous waste. "At the time, it felt like we were dealing with the Mafia, or some sort of organised crime group, possibly working with these industrial firms," he said. Nations have found it difficult to tacklethe problem of piracy [AFP]"It was very shady, and quite underground, and I would agree with Ould-Abdallah’s claims that it is still going on... Unfortunately the war has not allowed environmental groups to investigate this fully." The Italian mafia controls an estimated 30 per cent of Italy's waste disposal companies, including those that deal with toxic waste. In 1998, Famiglia Cristiana, an Italian weekly magazine, claimed that although most of the waste-dumping took place after the start of the civil war in 1991, the activity actually began as early as 1989 under the Barre government. Beyond the ethical question of trying to secure a hazardous waste agreement in an unstable country like Somalia, the alleged attempt by Swiss and Italian firms to dump waste in Somalia would violate international treaties to which both countries are signatories. Legal ramifications Switzerland and Italy signed and ratified the Basel Convention on the Control of Transboundary Movements of Hazardous Wastes and their Disposal, which came into force in 1992. EU member states, as well as 168 other countries have also signed the agreement. The convention prohibits waste trade between countries that have signed the convention, as well as countries that have not signed the accord unless a bilateral agreement had been negotiated. It is also prohibits the shipping of hazardous waste to a war zone. Abdi Ismail Samatar, professor of Geography at the University of Minnesota, told Al Jazeera that because an international coalition of warships has been deployed to the Gulf of Aden, the alleged dumping of waste must have been observed. Environmental damage "If these acts are continuing, then surely they must have been seen by someone involved in maritime operations," he said. "Is the cargo aimed at a certain destination more important than monitoring illegal activities in the region? Piracy is not the only problem for Somalia, and I think it's irresponsible on the part of the authorities to overlook this issue." Mohammed Gure, chairman of the Somalia Concern Group, said that the social and environmental consequences will be felt for decades. "The Somali coastline used to sustain hundreds of thousands of people, as a source of food and livelihoods. Now much of it is almost destroyed, primarily at the hands of these so-called ministers that have sold their nation to fill their own pockets." Ould-Abdallah said piracy will not prevent waste dumping. "The intentions of these pirates are not concerned with protecting their environment," he said. "What is ultimately needed is a functioning, effective government that will get its act together and take control of its affairs." Source: Al Jazeera by Najad Abdulla

nuqaba' trainin camp 19-21/4/09 am i ready to change?

time aku trima pelawaan ustaz ismail tuk p camp ni niat aku 3 jer kut nak update info sal latest procedure halaqah alhamdulillah smua info tu da dpt upgrade nak pandang2 jeling2 laki handsome alhamdulillah aku enjoy nikmat tu nak enjoy coz da abes final alhamdulillah tercapai gak hajat tu... dan ada satu hikmah besar yang aku tak terfikir akn menjadi titik penting reformasi dalam hidup aku yang membuatkan aku terfikir tuk resign kerana dri yg serba serbi kurang... seblum p camp ni aku rasa aku da ok maksud aku ilmu agama yg aku ada n ibadat yg aku perform kira tahap B after balik dari camp ni aku rasa kosong rasa ilmu agama yang aku ada ibadah yg aku perform mcm gred E jer or cud be worse! aku rasa malu sangat rasa tak layak tuk jd naqibah naqibah lain smua bagus2 aku rasa malu nak begaul ngan diorang rasa macam tersisih sangat walaupun tidak disisihkan... smua bertitik tolak dari kejadian pada mlm terakhir ktorang kat camp tu tak perlu aku citer apa yg berlaku kesimpulannya andai kejadian tersebut ibarat kedatangan Izrail tuk mencabut nyawa aku bersediakah aku???!!!! bila aku sedar akan kekurangan tersebut aku bertekad aku perlu berubah aku pikir nak mula ngan perkara simple dulu tapi tak semudah yg aku sangkakan..... susah nyer nak tido awal tuk bangun solat subuh di awal waktu sebab da biasa tido kul 2-3 pg susah jugak nak stay up after subuh kerana pintu keberkatan terbuka luas time tu kerana da biasa tdo balik tak kira matahari da naik ke belum susah sgt nak tinggalkan music2 & movies/ series yang menghiburkan dan melalaikan supaya hati kembali jernih, putih susah benar nak mkn hanya ketika lapar dan berenti sebelum kenyang agar badan jadi ringan tuk melakukan ibadah benarlah sabda Rasulullah S.A.W. jihad melawan hawa nafsu tu jihad akbar!

when i reach 23...

pape jer org panggil kak slalu rasa tak puas ati cozaku slalu rasa lebih muda lg cam 17 tahun ke... baru sebaya cam david archuleta hhehe...!! dulu slalu ngintai dak2 laki balik skolah skang da x boleh nampak jambu sangat diorang tu bila kat iium aku cuci mata tgk lecturer or few hot seniors coz yang junior or same batch ramai gak yg beringus lg. jangan mara a... so what to do at this age? buat ibadah n enjoy idup sepuasnya! coz makin tambah usia makin pendek la umur....